Fight for Your Life
I played basketball in high school. At the time, it seemed as if that was what I was put on the earth to do. I could handle the ball so well that opposing teams often had two girls guard me, leaving one of my teammates open. I took advantage of that situation every time, deftly and quickly passing the ball to my teammate for a wide open shot at the basket. I had natural ability and loved playing the game more than anything else in my life at the time. Would you believe I almost missed out on the experience because of fear?
My fear was Barbara. She was a bully, two years older than me, and was already playing on the Varsity team when I joined the Junior Varsity team as a freshman. Coach had our teams scrimmage each other at the end of practice everyday and Barbara used that opportunity to torment me. Whenever Coach had her back turned, Barbara would push me, trip me, or jab me in the ribs with her elbow. One moment she would say something friendly and laugh with me to get me to relax, and the next she would verbally threaten me or punch me! I was afraid of her. I knew that if she and I were alone together, she would beat the tar out of me…and I wanted to keep my tar! So, I made sure I was never alone with her in the locker room, in the school hallways, on the bus, or after school. My stomach was constantly tied up in knots and I thought about quitting the team everyday.
One day as we were scrimmaging, our teams ran down the court with me and Barbara bringing up the rear. Barbara pulled one of her stunts and swept her leg under my feet while pushing me from behind at the same time. I went sprawling head first down the court, sliding for several feet and banging up my knees, elbows, chin and hip. I thought, “Ok, surely someone saw that.” But I looked up and our teams were busy playing at the other end of the court without us. No one even saw me lying there. I was so frustrated and suddenly so full of anger that there was no room for fear! I pulled myself up off the floor and almost threw myself in her face, yelling at her, “Go ahead and hit me, Barbara! Let’s see how tough you really are!” When she didn’t respond, I started pushing her backward to get the fight started. She just stood there with a blank look on her face being pushed backward across the court. I thought in the back of my mind, “Oh she is playing this smart because I am the one who is going to be suspended!” Sure enough, at that moment Coach grabbed my arm and demanded to know what my problem was.
I turned back to Barbara as if she had asked me the question and I said, “If you ever threaten me or touch me again, you better back it up because I am going to fight you. I don’t care if I get suspended; I don’t care if I end up in the hospital. I will fight you until I can’t fight you anymore!”
Barbara never said a word. Coach, on the other hand, had a lot to say. But luckily she didn’t suspend me and I’m happy to report that Barbara never bothered me again. (In this day and age, she might have pulled out a gun and shot my face off, so I consider myself very lucky to have been born back in the dark ages.) I would like to tell you that Barbara and I became good friends. But we were never friends. We did, however, play very well on the basketball court together. It was a perfect relationship as far as I was concerned, because I was able to give everything I had to the game of basketball without being distracted by fear.
This is a stark example of facing fear. Most of us face more subtle fears…fears in our hearts and in our minds. Things like:
fear of public speaking
fear of committing to a relationship because the last one was a freak show
fear of making a career change even though you hate your job
fear of talking to another person or asking them for a favor
fear of using new technology
fear that somebody might not like you if you do or say the wrong thing
The list is endless.
Even though these fears are internal and do not typically represent a physical threat to our body, we still have the same physiological and emotional reaction to them that I did to Barbara. We get anxious, we get sick to our stomachs, and we just want to avoid the situation altogether.
Where do you suppose that fear comes from? It comes from the things you tell yourself. Things like, “Nobody wants to hear what I have to say. I’m no good at this. I could never do this as well as so-and-so. My boss will fire me if I disagree with her. If I get fired, I will never find another job. I’m not smart enough to figure out new technology.” We intimidate ourselves with negative, exaggerated, false thoughts. We become Barbara.
Keep that in mind the next time you start limiting the way you are living your life, because in most cases you are being a bully to yourself. Call your bluff and fight for your life; the life you want to live with all the joy and passion that you were meant to.
I have had to do this countless times in my life. After four decades, my inner bully is still alive and kicking. I conquer one fear and she throws another one at me. That seems discouraging doesn’t it? But really it is fantastic! Because once you conquer fear after fear after fear, you look back and realize what amazing things you have accomplished with your life; things that would never have been possible if you were stuck back at fear one.
If you could look back at my conquered fears, you would see a woman with 2 advanced degrees. You would see a corporate executive. You would see a woman who raised two one-day old puppies found in a dumpster. And you would see a woman with the courage to start her own business.
What is more important, though, is what you see when you look back at your life. Give yourself credit for those amazing accomplishments and let it give you the courage to face your inner bully again. You owe it to yourself and those whose lives you touch in a positive way to call your bluff and live your life.
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